There are some days when I am more than motivated to hustle and get all of my shit done so I can keep progressing, keep moving and get the hell out of my mental rut. Then there are other days: Days when I can hardly get my brain to function and all motivation has slipped out the back door somewhere without my noticing. I was too busy talking to laziness, self-doubt, depression and procrastination. They're the kind of circle at a party that is hard to pull yourself away from. Each excuse for my escape is ripped away and replaced with a whisper to remain in the circle and a firm hand on the shoulder-- manipulative and strong.
My conscience doesn’t let me sit in this rut too long and reminds me to just get my ass up and do something. Yelling or running around outside for a bit can usually help me get going. If that doesn't work, then I just resort to getting my husband to encourage or really push me to kick it into gear. Even with this tactic, I can try to finagle my way out of acting by procrastinating more. I'll grab the broom and mop and scrub the floor till it's shining. I decide it's a good day for the dog to get a bath; I've been meaning to do that for days now. As I'm in the bathroom, I notice how the tub can use a good scrubbing and it goes on and on like this until something clicks in my brain, and I throw all of the bullshit out and sit down at my laptop and begin writing.
I say all of this because this is exactly how my day has looked so far. But here I am typing away on the keyboard and I think to myself, why does this happen time and again? How can I skip all of the bullshit and get to what I need to do. No, what I want to do, what I crave to do. If it is such a love for me then why can it be so difficult to sit down and just do? This is a thought worth pondering. No matter if it is writing, designing, counseling, managing, emailing, cleaning etc., why can we not just get over ourselves and make things happen? Eventually we will and we just wasted a lot of time somewhere in the middle brooding over the atrocious tasks set before us. Now, I do have to say, I am happy that my bathroom and floors are immaculately clean and that my dog is freshly bathed, but I could have done without the mental battle with those fake friends of mine. Why don't I have the heart to tell them, “You know what guys? This whole friendship thing isn't working out anymore, so let's call it quits.” We would save a whole lot of time, energy and mind power if we could just say no to the bullshit and get working.
This is what I am choosing to do now and I hope by writing this I can remember for the next time (as in tomorrow) that I can just say “No.” See you later manipulation, I've got shit to get done, and I don't need you around.
Now, it’s time for you. Go get some shit done!